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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28544514">To know you entirely</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anzuss/pseuds/Anzuss'>Anzuss</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Let me see you (Springdove) [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Moominvalley (Cartoon 2019), Mumintroll | Moomins Series - Tove Jansson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Fluff, Fluff and Humor, M/M, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Self-Esteem Issues, Snusmumriken | Snufkin Has a Tail, Teenagers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 23:14:42</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,637</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28544514</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anzuss/pseuds/Anzuss</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Even the bestest of friends have problems when having a heart to heart conversation.</p><p>~ Unable to sleep, Moomin and Snufkin talk about some insecurities.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Mumintrollet | Moomintroll &amp; Snusmumriken | Snufkin, Mumintrollet | Moomintroll/Snusmumriken | Snufkin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Let me see you (Springdove) [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2218176</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>69</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>To know you entirely</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">

        <li>
          Translation into Español available: 
            <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29122206">Conocerte por completo</a> by <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anzuss/pseuds/Anzuss">Anzuss</a>
        </li>


    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>(----) means change of pov</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There it was, that strange, tingly feeling deep in his gut, twisting his insides and making him feel warm. </p><p>It wasn't new to Snufkin: he had felt it before, when holding hands while they walked or whispering secrets on the other's ears, never giving much thought to it, for those things were normal when one had a best friend, and he, who never had one before, blamed his lack of knowledge about friendship of the little understanding he had about that feeling that, lately, forced him to cover his face with his hat more frequently and take longer walks through the forest to clear his mind after spending a day with his friend. </p><p>He supposed it was how you were expected to feel when you have a good friend, so he just buried it deep in his always busy mind, under other more important thoughts like paying attention of every hint of possible danger, being careful of where he stepped, keeping track of how much food he had to make it through the winter, among many other things. </p><p>But now, in the comfort and safety of Moominvalley, unable to sleep and far from his pipe or any other thing to fidget with, that feeling showed to be a lot more bothersome than he thought. </p><p><em> A true nuisance- </em>He thought while frowning. </p><p><em> Calm down, calm down- S</em>nufkin chanted to himself, trying to steady his heartbeat galloping at a hundred miles per second, worrying about how loud it was and how it might wake his friend, laying down peacefully at his side after a one day stroll in the Lonely Mountains. </p><p>So close he could feel his breath on the back of his neck. </p><p>It couldn't be helped, the wanderer only possessed one blanket and the troll had packed in such a rush he only brought a rope, his knife and a loaf of Snufkin's favorite bread Moominmamma baked the day before, so excited to spend the last days of Autumn with his best friend that he even forgot to write a note to his parents. </p><p>It wasn't unusual for them to sleep that way either; it was always the circumstances that pushed them to, being Moomintroll's bed small size or Snufkin's tent little cold insulation, but what seemed to be an awkward necessity at first had turned into a comfortable and enjoyable experience that never failed to make him rest like no other day and wake up full of energy. </p><p>But now that bugging feeling made him wonder if it was a better idea to sleep on the cold grass. </p><p>It wouldn't be the first time he had to sleep outside anyway, he had learned how to balance between warming his paling fingers and his numbing feet with his cloak. Things like those are common when traveling with the same clothes meant to be used the 4 seasons, and as rough as it sounded he had learned to sacrifice comfort to satisfy his need for wandering. </p><p>Still, tonight was particularly chilly, Moomin insisted on sharing the blanket unless he wanted them both to freeze, and he really didn't want to upset his friend by refusing his offer, so sleeping outside was out of the question (he also thought about how only a fool would sacrifice the comfort offered when there was no need, but he would never admit it). </p><p>And yet, even with such a reasonable motive and the experience of being in the same circumstances many times before, Snufkin couldn't get to steady his heartbeat. </p><p>He had to fix it: sleeping further wasn't an option, he had no things to distract him, and going outside to breathe fresh air only proved to be a temporary solution because whenever he came back to the tent the sight of his friend would spike his heartbeat again. </p><p> </p><p>What a nuisance indeed. </p><p>
  <em> Moomintroll, what should I do... </em>
</p><p>It had begun to annoy him, and, to worsen things, now he felt the non stopping badumbadumbadum not only on his chest but on his ears, loud so loud.</p><p><em> Wait a minute, that beat isn't mine </em>. </p><p>Snufkin frowned. If it weren't for his sharp hearing he could have blamed everything on himself and that troublesome feeling, but no, that pulse was unmistakably different. </p><p>His own heartbeat sounded short and brisk, like stepping over dried leaves on the forest he knew so well… the outer heartbeat close to his head sounded sturdy and soft, like comforting pats on his back. Both with the same tempo, discerning them as different beats would be impossible for many; only someone like him, who spends so much time listening to nature and composing music, could be able to notice the difference. </p><p>Snufkin turned around and his sight met two baby blue eyes opened in surprise, then squinted the way they do when the troll smiles. </p><p>-"I can't sleep" - said Moomintroll, softly. </p><p>-"Me neither" - he replied with a sigh. </p><p>-"Maybe we should do something to kill time". </p><p>-"What do you suggest?" - Snufkin said, staring with curiosity. </p><p>-"Hmm, I can't think of much we can do without getting out of the tent…" -Moomintroll paused, his sight on his hands holding the blanket - "But, I've always wished to brush your hair. If it doesn't bother you, of course" . </p><p>Snufkin pondered, not because the suggestion made him uncomfortable but because, suddenly, he felt embarrassed of not carrying a brush. </p><p>You see, the wanderer has never been one to possess many things, and a brush didn't come essential to satisfy his basic needs so he never bothered to get one. </p><p>But now he felt called out: Moomintroll, with his white fur properly brushed and his nice smell of soap and flowers, of course he would notice Snufkin's messy hair! Oh, how embarrassing, for the only one he cared about to see his lack of hygiene. </p><p>-"I don't have a brush" - is all he managed to mutter</p><p>-"Oh, I figured, but I was hoping you could let me use my fingers" - said Moomin, his ears turning a light pink</p><p>Like mirroring the troll, Snufkin's face turned pink too. <em> His hands, on my hair, his soft, clean hands on my dirty, messy hair. </em></p><p>-"Sure"  - He said before his mind made him chicken out. </p><p>He wanted this more than anything, and the troll was the one who suggested it first, so he pushed aside the gloomy thoughts that wanted to take control of him and decided to enjoy this rare opportunity.</p><p>It wasn't common for Moomintroll to try to start physical contact, he always respected his boundaries, but as time passed Snufkin felt more and more sad that his friend never dared to show as much affection as he did to the rest of his friends, and started wondering if, maybe, being the loner who never let anyone invade his personal space wasn't as good as he thought. </p><p>That facade had saved him from the load of caring about other people's feelings, too bothersome for a free spirit to deal with, and useless considering he would never see them again; but now, instead of bringing him peace it only made his heart ache. </p><p> </p><p>Slowly, Moomintroll reached Snufkin's hair. It started like a brief touch, as if the troll was trying to caress a wild animal with the fear of it biting his hand. Snufkin smiled, to reassure him that it was okay to continue, making Moomintroll smile too and, with a little bit more of confidence, sink his fingers on the auburn hair. </p><p>There it was again, the feeling<em> , </em> but now flowing from the top of his head to his toes. Snufkin got closer to make it easier for Moomintroll to reach the back of his head, lowering his head so it rested near the troll's chest and his hands almost brushing his belly.</p><p>And every time Moomintroll repeated the motion a flow of it came again and again, and suddenly his mind was too woozy to stop his soft purrs. He touched his scalp with much more care than Snufkin thought he deserved, as if he was caressing a delicate flower instead of a raggy vagabond. </p><p>He never thought someone brushing his hair could be that entracing, or maybe he never dared to imagine it, even less being that someone no one other than Moomin. </p><p>His face felt hot, and his mind so foggy he couldn't think of anything but how soft Moomintroll's fur looked, so he reached his belly and started caressing it.</p><p>
  <em> It is even softer than it looks. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>-"Snufkin?" - Moomin asked, suddenly stopping and lowering his snout to try to see his friend. </p><p>
  <em> So soft indeed, what a nice Moomintroll, I wonder if… Wait. </em>
</p><p>Sense kicked in and made him pull away. He didn't dare to look up, without his hat his burning face was exposed and he couldn't risk his friend seeing him like that. </p><p>-"... I'm sorry Moomintroll. Maybe it's better if I sleep outside" - <em> and throw myself in the river, there is no other way to avoid this embarrassing situation, I hope the fish can carry me away from Moominvalley. </em></p><p>He stood up with this intention but a paw took him by his wrist. </p><p>-"Wait!" </p><p>Snufkin raised his eyes and they found Moomin's, shining with curiosity, but his brows lowered in an agitated expression </p><p>-"Please don't leave" . </p><p>-----</p><p>-"Stay here, it's cold outside" - Moomin pleaded, trying not to sound desperate, but Snufkin only stared at him startled. </p><p><em> Oh no, I definitely did something he hated. I made him uncomfortable or crossed his boundaries, what a big moron I am. I</em> <em> knew I shouldn't have asked to brush his hair, but it looked so fluffy and I really couldn't help it. </em></p><p>Moomintroll gulped, his mind thinking of a hundred ways to say sorry while waiting for an answer. </p><p>-"Sorry. I should have asked you if it was okay to brush your fur too" - Snufkin said after a long silence. </p><p>Moomintroll opened his eyes in shock -"Of course it's okay Snuf!" - he cried, louder than he wanted to. </p><p>-"I would really like you to, it just took me by surprise" - he added lowering his voice</p><p>Snufkin softened his gaze</p><p>-"In fact, you seemed to enjoy it a lot, so I guess it is my turn to have my fur brushed too" - Moomintroll said with a smirk. </p><p>-"Oh bugger, you don't need it. You always brush your fur twice a day". </p><p>-"I can't help it, I like being clean. Unlike others" -  the troll said rolling his eyes. </p><p>-"Pfft, you better give it a rest or I will make sure you fall over the muddiest puddle on our way back" - Snufkin giggled. </p><p>-"At your order, Captain smelly rags". </p><p>-"Well, at least I have the decency to wear clothes. You Moomins leave little to the imagination" - joked Snufkin, but Moomintroll stopped laughing. </p><p>
  <em> He is right.  </em>
</p><p>Realization hit Moomintroll, and suddenly he felt exposed so, in a poor attempt to cover himself, he bent his knees. </p><p>-"Maybe you're right, it's weird to think about how little of me I hide from you. You don't even let me see you without your cloak on hot weather" - he said with a sad smile. </p><p>- "I'm sorry Moomin. I had no idea it bothered you". </p><p>-"No need to say sorry Snuf, I understand you hate sharing much about yourself". </p><p>He lowered his voice- "It's just that, sometimes, I wonder how much I really know you". </p><p>
  <em> We have been friends for over five years now, why do you keep hiding things? You know everything about me, it's not fair. </em>
</p><p>Now he really felt like crying. He was always like this, overly sentimental. </p><p>
  <em> No wonder Snufkin still feels uncomfortable around me, I must look pathetic. And now I think he owes me something just because I always wear my heart on my sleeve? Stupid, stupid Moomintroll.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>-"You know me better than anyone" - Snufkin replied. </p><p>Moomin tried to chuckled -" Well, I certainly remember things like your favorite fishing spot and how you like your coffee. But you know that's not what I mean." </p><p>An uncomfortable silence settled. Of course he knew what he meant, those things didn't need to be said out loud. </p><p>Snufkin lowered his gaze, interested in the loose strings of his sleeve. Taking a deep breath he rapidly took away his cloak. </p><p>-" Wait Snufkin!"- Moomin shrieked, face as red as a full blooming poppy- "You shouldn't do anything you don't want to, I don't wish to push you". </p><p>
  <em> That's not what I meant! </em>
</p><p>Moomintroll screamed inside. He always saw his friend as an intuitive person so he thought he didn't need clarification for what he confessed. But he missed the point completely. It was his obligation to tell him. </p><p>Instead, he swallowed his words. How could he say it was a misunderstanding if it lead to the opportunity to finally see what was under that old green cloak? </p><p>And even if he wished to tell him, the view left him speechless.The wandered wore a cream colored undershirt with short sleeves that let him see the auburn patches of fur on his thin yet strong arms. Around his waist a furry tail, much like his own, was coiled. If he looked carefully he could see an ouline of his chest fur under his shirt. </p><p>-------</p><p>Snufkin shivered and his fur puffed up.</p><p>
  <em> Too cold. </em>
</p><p>His undershirt was too thin for that weather; but he wasn't a coward, a little cold couldn't make him back down. </p><p>-"No, you're right Moomin. I am selfish, I always hide from you". </p><p>-"Snufkin, you are shivering! Here take it, you must be freezing" - The troll said with a worried look. He took the blanket and carefully put it over Snufkin's shoulders. </p><p>His face turned serious -"Now, I never said you were selfish. You don't have to prove anything to me, much less if it makes you uncomfortable"- His look softened, with hinted sadness- "I trust you, and I hope you trust me too". </p><p>The troll laced their paws together. </p><p>It surely was to keep him from trying to run away once more, yet, odd enough, he didn't feel tied. Instead, confidence grew inside him and he reduced the gap between them, his gaze fixed on the other. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> So close. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I can see his eyelashes from here, long and curly like feathers.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> And his eyes are pure blue, not a single hint of other color. They do look like a clear sky.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> No, I guess they are much clearer than any sky I've seen. </em>
</p><p>-"May I?" - Moomin asked after a long silence. </p><p>The question startled Snufkin, so he nodded before giving a thought about what it meant. </p><p>A paw released his own and moved to his arm, fingers brushing the fur growing on it. </p><p>He shivered again. </p><p>-"Your fur is really pretty, why do you always cover it?" - Moomin asked, gaze fixed on the fur his paw was caressing. </p><p>-"I… I'm not sure why". </p><p>-"Oh". </p><p>Slow-paced, the paw traveled to his elbow and upper arm, stopping at the sleeve of his shirt. Moomin looked up with curiosity. </p><p><em> It must be colder than I think, even with the blanket I can't stop shivering. Why does my face feel so hot then?- </em>He thought, slowly taking away his undershirt. </p><p>Moomintroll gulped. </p><p>Shyly, his paw lifted to his shoulder, small enough he could wrap it entirely. Fingers traced his collar bone and the fur on his breast bone, thicker and darker than the one on his arms. </p><p>One thing was him brushing his hair, but his soft touch at his bare skin? There was no point of comparison. Both were nice feelings, but the second was much stronger, like thousands of hattifatteners coming out from his friend's fingers to throw a party inside him. </p><p>He wanted to close his eyes but he knew if he did he would surely get lost in that feeling like he did before, so he kept his gaze at Moomintroll instead. </p><p>He looked at his ears, pointed like they always were when he was concentrated doing something. His tail was curled around his own leg; he had only seen this twice before: when he was playing the main role on Moominpappa's memoirs play and when he confessed him he was going to break up with Snorkmaiden. </p><p>The fingers stopped over his belly button. </p><p>-"How far?". </p><p>-"Huh?" - Snufkin said, confused. </p><p>-"I mean, how far does your fur grow?" </p><p>He meditated his answer. Truthfully, he never paid much attention to his body; the only times he got naked was when bathing, and those occasions were quick and scarce. </p><p>Fear started to flood him. He didn't even know how he looked, what if Moomintroll thought he was disgusting and never wanted to see him again? He hadn't packed enough provisions to leave for his winter travel yet. </p><p>And when spring came again, where would he go? Nobody would miss him and greet him when he returned. He wouldn't have anybody to compose a spring tune for. He would lose his best friend.</p><p>He can't lose Moomin. </p><p> </p><p>-"Is there something wrong? I'm sorry, maybe I should stop. Forget my question please" - Moomintroll retreated his paw, shame on his face. </p><p>-"No" -he blurted. </p><p>-"Tell me what's wrong Snufkin. I know something is bothering you, I saw your face". </p><p>- "You did nothing wrong. I'm just…" -he sighed- "I'm afraid Moomin". </p><p>-"What are you afraid of, Snuf?" - the troll asked, words so soft that tears threatened to shed from Snufkin's eyes. </p><p><em> Of you hating me- </em>He whispered to himself. </p><p>-"Why would I hate you?"- the troll asked, confused. </p><p><em> He heard me. There's no point on avoiding it then, I should answer with the truth </em>-" Do you ever think about your physical appearance?"</p><p>Moomin meditated, then smiled to him. - "I do. A lot, actually" - he giggled embarrassed- " I think about how round I am, my fur is too white to hide when we play and my feet too short to run properly. And my nose! Jeez, it's big enough to serve me as a pillow, if it were smaller I could do so many things… now that I think about it, maybe I could ask the witch if she can fix it… "</p><p>-" No, don't even think about it"- Snufkin said with a serious face. </p><p>-----</p><p>-"What?" - Moomin frowned. </p><p>-" Don't you ever try to change your nose". </p><p>Moomin crossed his arms -"Now Snufkin, I know you dislike witchcraft, but having a small nose like yours has a lot of benefits, I can't understand why you care about me wanting the same". </p><p>-"What could be worthy enough to change something that makes you who you are?" </p><p>-"It makes me look ridiculous". </p><p>-"It doesn't". </p><p>-"Everyone jokes about how big it is, even for Moomin standards. A little magic can fix it if I ask the witch nicely…" </p><p>-"There's nothing to fix, I love your nose!" -Snufkin shouted. </p><p>Both stared at the other with surprise. Snufkin never raised his voice to Moomin, not even when he was angry. </p><p>-"Sorry, I shouldn't have shouted". </p><p>-"... You mean it?" </p><p>Silence</p><p>-"You love my nose?" </p><p>-"I do"- Snufkin replied after another silence- "It's the perfect size to nuzzle and it fits perfectly over my shoulder when we hug. And I like your white fur too, it shines like snow when the sun hits it. I like how your legs move when you dance, and your roundness reminds me of how the sweetest, softest things are always round, with no hard edges."- he said, words so packed he had to take a deep breath when he finished. </p><p>Moomin stared with confusion. </p><p>
  <em> Now he is complimenting me? What an odd day, maybe the berries we ate were poisonous and that's why he is acting so weird. </em>
</p><p>-" What has gotten into you? it's not funny". </p><p>-"I never intended to be funny". </p><p>-"I still can't see what this has to do with me possibly hating you". </p><p>Snufkin lowered his gaze. -"I'm afraid of what I am under my clothes". </p><p><em> Oh, so that's what it is. - M</em>oomin gave him an understanding smile. </p><p>-"It's okay Snuf, everyone has trouble liking themselves, you are not alone" . </p><p>-"It's different…" </p><p>-"What makes it different?" </p><p>-"Being aware of the things others might hate about you is easier than not knowing those things at all". </p><p>-"Since when do you care about what anyone thinks about you?" </p><p>-"Not anyone, just you". </p><p>Moomin sat in silence, the weight of the conversation making his stomach drop. -" You are my very best friend Snuf. I wish I could say I don't care about what's under your clothes, but that wouldn't be true because I do care! that's part of who you are, and I want to know you entirely"</p><p>Moomin laced their paws -"I would never hate who you are, not a single part". </p><p>Just as he said this, tears started to drip from Snufkin's eyes. </p><p>Tears turned into floods and suddenly both of them were silently crying, embraced in a hug as if holding from a buoyant keeping them from drowning, but instead of the desperating fear of drowning they felt the calming peace of releasing years of buried emotions and insecurities. </p><p>Several minutes passed after their crying ceased when Snufkin hummed. -"I'm cold". </p><p>-"Do you want to put on your clothes?" </p><p>-"Not yet, they itch. Your fur is softer and smells nice". </p><p>-"Oh, what should we do. I will catch your fleas at this rate". </p><p>-"Silly Moomintroll". </p><p>Careful to not break their embrace, Moomin laid him down and covered themselves with the blanket. </p><p>-"Can we do this more often? Without the depressing feeling talk of course". </p><p>Curled under Moomin's snout, Snufkin made an agreeing sound -"It would make me happy if we do". </p><p>Moomintroll smiled, his eyes shinning in the dark-"Great". </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>They might discuss the annoying feeling Snufkin had one day, as for now the soft arms wrapping him lulled him to a peaceful and safe dream. </p><p>Sleeping with Moomintroll never felt that warm. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>The feeling was horny</p><p>Jk hahaha, unless… </p><p> </p><p>I know this is nowhere near close to the absolute masterpieces I've seen on the Snufmin tag, but I do want to make a little effort and deliver something, at least, acceptable. I am a big fan of all of you Snufmin writers ;^; thank you for making my weeks a lot more bearable. </p><p> </p><p>Sorry if this had grammar/syntax mistakes, this is my first time writing completely on english, and hell, it was scary! I am leaning on google translator for it to, at least, not be too bad</p><p>Fun fact: I'm aromantic with zero dating experience so I'm sorry if this incoherent, I'm still learning how it works ;u; I trust my months of navigating through the fluff side of AO3 pay off</p><p>This note is so long but oh… Not even close to all the things I wish I could express. Again, thank you to all the Moomin fandom, especially all of you who write fanfiction, you are godsend 💖💖💖</p><p>Edit: Minor changes (punctuation mostly)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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